This morning, my kids have been roll playing the Wicked Witch (which is topical, given Alex & I went to see Wicked last night!). So I asked them “Why do you think she’s wicked?”. But they were so engrossed in their imaginative play that I didn’t really get a proper response. Maybe I’ll circle back around to that one later on…
But it got me thinking…with most villains, sits a back story about why they are the way they are. Typically, they’ve been a bit different to others, or have experienced some kind of adversity. They’ve loved deeply, tried harder than most, but have either been repeatedly let down, taken advantage of, bullied and mocked, or completely outcast. Their spirits have been broken and they’ve simply given up on humanity.
Then, a more popular character takes the limelight. They play the inspirational ‘holier than thou’ role, and villainise the outcast. And the rest of the villagers jump right on board that bandwagon, living that story as their truth.
Classic story telling, and I think a lot of us can resonate with this kind of story.
I was not a popular kid. Not a great surprise, I know. Let’s face it, being gay wasn’t cool in the 80s and 90s! I spent my entire upbringing being told that I’m not right, that I should be ashamed of who I am, that there’s something wrong with me, that I’ll die of disease, that I should hide myself, that feelings are for girls, that I need to man up. That was the societal narrative at the time.
Something I couldn’t control about myself, something that’s my whole nature, was fundamentally unfit for society. As hard as I tried, there was nothing I could do to change myself or change people’s ignorance. So I hid. Much like the villains in the stories.
I was an introverted child, I was sensible and polite. I loved nothing more than to please people. I liked rules because they made me safe. I liked perfection and order. I desperately wanted to be liked, I desperately wanted to be popular. But I was such a ‘try hard’ that I stood out like a sore thumb amongst the cool kids. I was destined to be a dork!
As an adult, there are many aspects of my childhood that I no longer resonate with. I am infinitely more self assured, free flowing and even a little chaotic at times. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get triggered back into my child-like state. Even as an adult, bullies still exist. And the ‘cool kids’ still have influence.
I saw a quote yesterday that really resonated with me…
“Everyone loves you when you let everything slide, but the moment you start setting boundaries and holding people accountable, you become the one that’s difficult”
I’ve done a lot of this throughout my adult life. Maybe it’s my childhood experiences that make me this way? I want to be all chill, easy breezy, peace and love. But I often find that people take advantage of that kind of nature. And that triggers me. Then I don my armour and start putting up walls everywhere. I will not tolerate mean kids!
Maybe I’m too firm with my boundaries? Maybe I’m too strict with my rules? Maybe I’m too harsh with my words? Maybe I expect too much from people? Maybe I’m a control freak? Maybe I’m the villain?
Or maybe…I’m just trying to wake up the villagers.
Maybe…I’m just trying to be understood.
Like the villain, I see the world differently to most. Does this make me wrong? Maybe in the eyes of some people. But as my childhood taught me, there’s nothing I can do to change that. I’m never going to be a cool kid, and I’m never going to be like the other villagers.
So here I am, and by no great surprise, I’m making my own village! Some may call it a freak show, but for me, it’s a safe space for all those fellow odd-balls out there. For all those who don’t feel like they belong. For all those who know there are two sides to every story. For all those who see beyond the vilified. For all those who see through the cool kids. You are my people. And you are welcome in my village.
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